In July this year I started what was probably my dream job. The job I’d been trying to figure out how to land since I learned about the company—at least four to five years. I was ecstatic. More than a couple of times I’d have to remind myself that I was now working for Litmus. Holy shit!
But there was a problem. Over the past four to five years of knowing about Litmus, and using their app, I’d put the company and the people there on a pedestal. A little bit after I joined I felt like an imposter. Second guessing if I was actually good enough to be working there. This is despite being told, almost daily, by the people around me that I am good enough.
The “imposter syndrome” isn’t anything new. Google it and you’ll find page upon page of search results all explaining what it is and how to overcome it.
I’ve not read any of them.
I know where my feeling like an imposter comes from—a lack of confidence in myself and the knowledge I have. Possibly a bit of fear too, that what-will-they-think-of-me fear. All of which is not new to me. Though I think I was better at hiding it when I was younger!
While I don’t usually set goals or make New Years resolutions, I do want to work on my self-confidence next year. Be more sure of myself because I know my shit. And if I don’t know my shit, I need to get out and learn. No more second guessing in work and everywhere else.