Now I don’t usually do the odd TV episode recap here. Mostly because I watch far too much TV. So if I did, I’d spent 90% of my time recapping all the TV I watch.
BUT this week’s episode of New Girl, Table 34, cracked me up. Cracked me up because, dare I say it, I could relate.
In Table 34 Cece’s search for her Indian husband continues and leads her to a marriage convention. Cue some hijinks from Schimdt. Casual racism. (Who doesn’t love casual racism! Especially from Schimidt?) And a lot of hilarity. (Though I could have done without some of the Nick stuff.)
It’s no secret I’ve dabbled in online dating. But what is a partial secret is that I also did something like what New Girl’s Cece did. Not quite a marriage convention but something equally bizarre.
They were called Singles Introductory Events and were for specific Indian castes. Yes, castes. (Those things are still kind of in use today.) Basically anyone with the same surname as me. This is one of the few things I’ve done to please my parents. How very un-Indian of me!
Watching Table 34, while everything was exaggerated, it was hilarious that there were a fair few similarities!
1. The Weirdo Organiser
Thankfully, there wasn’t an overly pushy and rude organiser at the couple I was at. But, something equally as weird. A guy in his late 40s who just kept repeating the phrase “this is your time”, at any chance he got. Still sends shivers down my spine. The bad shivers. The shivers that make me cringe and want to throw up a little bit.
2. The Registration Process
Oh yes, filling in a form with all your achievements is real. Though for me, it was done before the ‘event’. I can’t remember whether it went as far as to what and how many GCSEs and A-Levels you got, but I do remember having to write down my degree, university and current job. Oh and we got name tags!
Yes, there were tables. Though I’m not entirely sure how they were split. I’m fairly sure it wasn’t to do with your social standing. Thank god. Though, I can assure you it was just as awkward sitting around a table of people you don’t know and some people you definitely don’t want to know.
4. Fun and Games
A small part of me wishes I had to make a table out of newspaper and tape. Or the hula-hoop thing. But the bigger part of me is grateful that I didn’t. There were some socially awkward people and then there were some real socially awkward people. It would just never have worked! On our little tables we did have’games’ to play. Sadly said’games’ were word association games, charades and probably a film related game. Honestly, I can’t remember the exact details, but the games were definitely sedentary and boring.
5. The Awkward Speed Dating Round
After the fun and games there’s the speed dating. Small talk. And yes, some jerks like Cece had to face. Yes, there are some people out there who are just that focused on what you do for a living, how much money you have and what car you drive, rather than who you are. I’ve talked to them. And they’re not relegated to just the guys. Plenty of girls were obsessed, maybe more obsessed, over those details than some guys.
There you have it. Another of my deepest, darkest secrets. Broadcast on my blog. Well, possibly not my very deepest or darkest. But on the outskirts. Why did I do them? Well, it was one of those things of, what have I got to lose? While I don’t regret going to the couple that I did, if anything they gave me some funny stories. Including getting chatted up by the same guy at both events and knocking him back in exactly the same way. What? I couldn’t think of anything else! And he didn’t seem to notice. Until he added me on Facebook a couple of days later. REALLY?
Oh and before you ask, no they didn’t work for me. At all. But hey, I tried, right?
Now excuse me while I retreat into a hole of utter embarassment for a few days.