Table 34 – I get you!

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Now I don’t usually do the odd TV episode recap here. Mostly because I watch far too much TV. So if I did, I’d spent 90% of my time recapping all the TV I watch.

BUT this week’s episode of New Girl, Table 34, cracked me up. Cracked me up because, dare I say it, I could relate.

New Girl - Table 34

Let the man hunt commence!

In Table 34 Cece’s search for her Indian husband continues and leads her to a marriage convention. Cue some hijinks from Schimdt. Casual racism. (Who doesn’t love casual racism! Especially from Schimidt?) And a lot of hilarity. (Though I could have done without some of the Nick stuff.)

It’s no secret I’ve dabbled in online dating. But what is a partial secret is that I also did something like what New Girl’s Cece did. Not quite a marriage convention but something equally bizarre.

They were called Singles Introductory Events and were for specific Indian castes. Yes, castes. (Those things are still kind of in use today.) Basically anyone with the same surname as me. This is one of the few things I’ve done to please my parents. How very un-Indian of me!

Watching Table 34, while everything was exaggerated, it was hilarious that there were a fair few similarities!

1. The Weirdo Organiser

New Girl - Table 34's Organiser

Always over enthusiastic. Always condescending.

Thankfully, there wasn’t an overly pushy and rude organiser at the couple I was at. But, something equally as weird. A guy in his late 40s who just kept repeating the phrase “this is your time”, at any chance he got. Still sends shivers down my spine. The bad shivers. The shivers that make me cringe and want to throw up a little bit.

2. The Registration Process

New Girl - Table 34

Registration was never this awkward. Thankfully.

Oh yes, filling in a form with all your achievements is real. Though for me, it was done before the ‘event’. I can’t remember whether it went as far as to what and how many GCSEs and A-Levels you got, but I do remember having to write down my degree, university and current job. Oh and we got name tags!

3. Tables!

New Girl - Table 34

Getting stuck at the awkward table is a problem.

Yes, there were tables. Though I’m not entirely sure how they were split. I’m fairly sure it wasn’t to do with your social standing. Thank god. Though, I can assure you it was just as awkward sitting around a table of people you don’t know and some people you definitely don’t want to know.

4. Fun and Games

New Girl - Table 34

Thank you PTB that I never had to do this.

A small part of me wishes I had to make a table out of newspaper and tape. Or the hula-hoop thing. But the bigger part of me is grateful that I didn’t. There were some socially awkward people and then there were some real socially awkward people. It would just never have worked! On our little tables we did have’games’ to play. Sadly said’games’ were word association games, charades and probably a film related game. Honestly, I can’t remember the exact details, but the games were definitely sedentary and boring.

5. The Awkward Speed Dating Round

New Girl - Table 34

Girls stay put. Guys move around. Aren’t girls capable of moving tables?

After the fun and games there’s the speed dating. Small talk. And yes, some jerks like Cece had to face. Yes, there are some people out there who are just that focused on what you do for a living, how much money you have and what car you drive, rather than who you are. I’ve talked to them. And they’re not relegated to just the guys. Plenty of girls were obsessed, maybe more obsessed, over those details than some guys.

There you have it. Another of my deepest, darkest secrets. Broadcast on my blog. Well, possibly not my very deepest or darkest. But on the outskirts. Why did I do them? Well, it was one of those things of, what have I got to lose? While I don’t regret going to the couple that I did, if anything they gave me some funny stories. Including getting chatted up by the same guy at both events and knocking him back in exactly the same way. What? I couldn’t think of anything else! And he didn’t seem to notice. Until he added me on Facebook a couple of days later. REALLY?

Oh and before you ask, no they didn’t work for me. At all. But hey, I tried, right?

Now excuse me while I retreat into a hole of utter embarassment for a few days.


  1. ‘Including getting chatted up by the same guy at both events and knocking him back in exactly the same way.’

    He actually added you on FB even *after* that? Some people really don’t know how to take a hint!

    As for the rest, nothing to be embarrassed about here šŸ™‚ If anything, I think you deserve congratulations for getting through a night consisting of both speed dating AND charades. I’m not sure which of the two I find most daunting šŸ˜‰

    • I should have been louder with my hint.

      Glad the speed dating round didn’t consist of charades. Combined, those two are LETHAL.

  2. Don’t be embarrassed, it takes courage to put yourself out there, and go to such events. As you said, at least you got a few funny stories to tell šŸ™‚

  3. Interesting. Veerrrryyyy interesting. I heard something like 25% of marriages happen as a result of the couple meeting from online dating. So, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Unless you meet a Dalit. Then it’s over. Just kidding. I have no idea what I’m talking about.

  4. I’ve not tried online dating yet but I imagine that it’s pretty scary to put yourself out there. If you go in with the mindset that it’s a good night out and to meet new people, not necessarily your other half then that makes it bearable. And the more connections you make, the closer you are to finding your other half!

    • I feel like I’m getting old and curmodgeony. I don’t feel like meeting new people. I have enough people of my own! That was my initial mindset lol.

  5. haha nice post! I also enjoyed the episode, one of the better ones this season.
    I have several Indian friends so I am very aware of all the social and cultural particulars.
    Just tell me you learned your lesson and you won’t be going to those anymore.

    • Definitely one of the more memorable episodes of the season.

      Lesson has been totally learnt and will never, ever go to one of these things again! Took me two attempts for the lesson to be learnt. Shame on myself!

  6. This episode is currently sitting on my DVR and I can’t wait to watch it! THANK YOU for sharing this tid bit about you, hilarity when put in context with the New Girl episode. I didn’t think these events would be much success, which is great, because then you wouldn’t be with the guy you are with now (still? right?). Anyways, thanks for the smile!

    • You know it’s funny you say that because at the start (and end I think) of the two events I went to the organiser would boast as to how many marriages/potential marriages there were out of the last couple of events. That just freaked me out. Well, not freaked out, but made me have a very big WTF face. Married within a couple of months of meeting at one of these things? WTF!

      And yes, still very much with my guy šŸ™‚ Nearly 5 months…!

  7. I admire your courage to broadcast this post. I watched that New Girl episode, was funny and awkward. But it’s an effort for sure. Like you said, at least you tried. A bit disappointed on that episode, because I thought there’s something more about Nick and Jess. I guess they keep it for the future. Schmidt as always, the funniest. And I though the weird hostess only happens in this story.

    • I’m not all that keen on Nick and Jess! I quite liked that this was a comedy without that will they/won’t they couple. I don’t need them in my comedies please! šŸ˜€

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